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November 23rd, 2009
11:28 pm
Got an attack of the mean reds at about five today and was pretty much paralysed.
In other news. You made me go to dfo yesterday. We wandered in and out of the shiney shops, and you looked at the clothes and colours and I complained about commercialism and got a motherfucker of a headache. We were like two clichéd teenagers. But subverting gender roles any way we knew how.
And this morning, strolling through Kew Junction. You in your cheap Mondays and me in my shiney new Calvin Klein Tshirt, we are so very pretty.
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November 2nd, 2009
08:20 am
so, apparently if you get a cold on friday morning, you shouldn't try the experiment of going to three parties on the weekend and thinking that you just wont sleep for the rest of the weekend and finish your folio. Yes, my folio is (a given value of) finished, but right now i'm so tired i'm not completely certain of my ability to get to Caulfield. Also, I actually can't talk, I've lost my voice. fuck yes.
that said, yesterday was the most stressfully amazing day EVER. (will post later)
and there's a cute boyfriend in my bed. There's another good thing.
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October 29th, 2009
11:47 pm
I'm so SICK of feeling shy.
going out tonight just reminded me of all the reasons i hate uni.
Dana and I spent half of tuesday putting up MILLIONS of posters, and chatting to Jess and organising things, and there's confest, and backpacking.... and they're so EMPOWERING and EXCITING.
so why is it all so scary?
who is this person who can't remember how to talk to people?
and feels left out and all elbows even with her closest friends?
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October 27th, 2009
03:06 pm
everyone has so many feelings and i'm just... excited about moving out (finally!!) next year, still angry at uni for not being everything i wanted it to be, trying to motivate myself to study/work for painting folio....pretty in love with you in a constantly surprised way.
and SO EXCITED about travelling over the summer.
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October 19th, 2009
09:12 pm - bad day
maybe I would be coping better if
- my normal stomach cramps weren't ganging up with my period to make EPIC CRAMPS OF DOOM
- i hadn't eaten chips for lunch
- If I actually had a friendship "group" rather than just a million people who i sometimes hang out with, who never put each other first anymore, or maybe don't know each other, because if i want to go out for drinks on friday then the only person that i could be sure of arriving is my boyfriend
- and I'm sick of being the one chasing old friends up
- And i'm sick of being too busy to ever organise anything
- And i'm sick of being angry because when i try to organise things everyone else has other commitments
- wasn't university meant to be fun? not a horrible mix of too lonely/too social?
- i mean, i don't want to hang out with people and do nothing. Why would i want to do nothing? I do nothing about fifteen hours a night with my current health
- I'm so sick of being sick
-i'm sick of knowing that even if i wasn't anal about keeping up a routine, that i couldn't go out drinking, because it takes me about three days to get over drinking too much.
- i'm sick of worrying that i'm going to be lonely all summer.
- i'm sick of making the effort to get to know new people and then being completely underwhelmed
- i'm sick of being reliant on you
- my Theory essay is due on wednesday. My drawing folio is due on monday. my painting/prinmedia folio is due in two weeks. i . cant. do . this.
- ianto died
- i have drawing at NINE AM
- i can barely think through my stomach cramps and my headache and i just want to lie down and cry
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October 16th, 2009
01:11 pm
dear flo,
you are banned from checking your emails. BANNED.
WRITE YOUR ESSAY
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01:07 pm
juno soundtrack playing. stupid teen love.
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October 14th, 2009
October 4th, 2009
01:55 pm
a RUSH and a push and the land that we stand on is ours
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September 26th, 2009
September 21st, 2009
09:24 pm
so,
I spent about six hours in the painting studio today. Which was nice. I had this massive painting and metres and metres of primed calico to play with. I like what's coming out, even if it's not the work I'd look at, i really like it. I've been playing with the idea of the grid, and making it really obvious as a way of showing that the painting was made in studio.
so, i've just been yelled at for "not even doing a degree"
fuck this.
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September 20th, 2009
12:53 am - messy paint
( preparing calico )
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/pengies/yawn.gif) tired
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September 17th, 2009
September 13th, 2009
September 11th, 2009
05:39 pm - rant # 2 (photomedia)
Second instalment on majors rants, I missed out on a day so I guess I should be writing for half an hour, but the CAE library clock is ticktick ticking and with only 20 minutes left is will be a rush to finish this and post it anyway. Typos here I come. For the past few days I have been thinking about performance art, installations and archives. Most of all archives. I’ve been reading this essay, an Archival Impulse by Hal Foster, and this stuff is good. The archive is so fascinating; the way in which archival art references old archives, challenges them AND creates new ones. Archives seem so rigid, but there is so much room for creativity within this rigidity. I suppose archival art contains so much of that which I love about curatorship. You take a work, you re-present it, you make it something completely different. What you leave out is just as important as what you leave in. those objects which you change, fix, etc. those you don’t. The entire way the archive is seen is entirely based on the artist. It’s pretty amazing that when you take these rules and restrictions into account you get work that is so entirely subjective but we see archives as these sombre accounts of objective facts. I’ve fallen a little in love with Hirschhorn’s shrines to artists, philosophers and writers past. The work is so familiar and so accessible. I suppose I want to pastiche his idea, I’ve got a work in mind that is all sketchbook work, photomedia, and of course, our beloved installation. There’s no room in this work for painting. Which, I guess, is where the problem starts. I have these photomedia compulsions, but I don’t know whether I actually want to study it. I’d be quite happy to take the photos for this piece on my crappy 5 meg digital camera and let the concept speak for itself. Do I really want to learn about shutter speeds and ISO?
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September 10th, 2009
August 31st, 2009
08:33 pm - bad day
Dear Art School,
i've had it up to here with all this fucking bullshit.
Up to here.
please do not sit there during my assessment nodding serenely, and allowing me to wallow. To talk, and talk and to walk myself into corners and out apologising, and wondering and stuttering.
I don't understand where these marks come from, some sort of arbitrary god-of-art? I'm sick of playing this bullshit game. I do not want to work myself to death mixing ink, rolling ink, scraping ink off, pressing, measuring paper, cutting paper, drawing on lino, cutting lino, bandaging my fingers, buying material, washing material, drying material, ironing material, threading bobbins, threading needles, pulling thread out of the bobbin... just to have you tell me that you can't censor, change, alter my work because you don't want to challenge its' authenticity? As if you're not ultimately going to penalise me anyway.
let's cut the crap. We all know that there is no "divinity of the masterpiece." You show me Warhol, Lichtenstein. Sherman and Morimura. (and of course, good old Barbara Kruger.) You tell me to make copies, replicas. A multiplicity of each print. And then i have to look inside myself? To find something special and authentic inside and place it alongside all this pastiche, appropriation vomit? chewed up, ingested, spat out until everything is sumilacra, and the original is lost?
And let's not forget the art market. Are the buyers going to say "oh well, it looks like she really followed through her creative process. I can see a deep understanding of her own impulses, and a pensive/meditative trialling process" ? no. They're going to say "oh wow. a shark in formaldehyde. how cool. I wish i had a shark in formaldehyde." Lets not even pretend that i'm working for myself, am i going to buy the work off myself? no. We're all glorified tradespeople, pandering to trends, pandering to markets. Trying to kiss the boots of curators and academics. So why ask me to respect my impulses now? when i most need shaping. I don't need to go to art school to introspect, vodka will do that for me, and it's a fuck-load cheaper. I need to be taught how to make art that LOOKS GOOD.
So please, if you don't like my work, tell me, if you want me to take it somewhere else, tell me.
Don't leave me to search myself, and rip out my hair and scream and cry and worry and think, and think, and think, until i feel like i've unravelled every fact i knew and held about art, and the only thing left is the pure desire. The I want to make art . Floating, without a media, a theory, a definition. And then tell me that the great fucking mystic arbiter of "how-to-be-an-artist" judged it wrong.imperfect. not enough.
If you don't know what your framework for judging is, work it out.
I'm sick of not knowing where the fucking ground is.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/pengies/livid.gif) angry
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August 24th, 2009
11:41 pm
when people ask me what i want for my birthday, i generally just say "jewellery" or, "clothes", or even "pretty things." Mostly, because in an abstract sort of way, i ALWAYS want jewellery, clothes and pretty things. Now I've finally found a real answer.
http://www.kellyvivanco.com/index.php?section=new&pt=goneastray
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August 23rd, 2009
05:04 pm
i don't have anything to write.
because i have nothing to say.
i can't finish this essay.
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August 18th, 2009
11:15 pm
where are you baby? don't you know that here is home now?
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lick_your_heart's journal